Bah Humbug! Those of you who know me will know that I hate C*****mas (see, I can't even type it!) I have decided to make my contribution to this annoying season though, read on...

So, why do I hate C*****mas so much? First, if it was aimed at anyone other than Christians and children (of which I am neither) it wouldn't bother me so much. The faceless commercialism surrounding the whole season makes me want to be sick, quite frankly. And why do we only have to be nice to people at this time of year?!?!? The food is great, but why do we have to share it with the whole family, including the ones we don't like?!?! And all the giving things to people that they pretend to like, while accepting gifts you don't want, but pretend you do drives me round the bend.   Well, I've decided to share some things to help others cope with this horrid season too. First up is this next collection of gifts for people who have everything, you don't particularly like them and you want to give them a subtile hint to that effect, or you just want to mock them. Chose your victim as carefuly as your gift! We have here, the... BIZZARE ACTION FIGURES !!!!!!!!!!!

Here we have action figures for the terminaly insane such as, SIGMUND FREUD (the dude in grey with the phallic cigar), ALBERT EINSTEN (you can't miss his hair!), JESUS (check out his white dressing gown), WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE (bald dude at the back-right), all kinds of wierdos. Can't you just imagine the fake smile you would get from some family member, while saying, "Oh, what a lovely present! Thank you!"...hehehe! You can see them all here.

Next, how about those damn family get-to-gethers? Let's face it, the gathering never works. There is always a fight, someone falling asleep (too much Port), things get broken (usually a new toy, belonging to a child who has been practicing crying all day, in anticipation of this moment!), someone pukes (too much Port), someone gets burnt (too much Brandy), and just about any other bad thing you can think of. So, you might as well gain back something...have a little fun! How about some... JOKE CANDY !!! (yes, they still make it!)

Yes, folks! Imagine it... C*****mas dinner is eaten, "Candy anyone?". You offer them out...oh dear, has Granny got the fart candy? "What do you mean when you say that lolly tastes of fish?" Hehehe...wouldn't that make your day go quicker? Check the rest out here.

Or, how about this idea? As they are all tucking into their food...a mouse runs across the room! Mayhem breaks out! People trying to catch it, people trying to kill it! It could happen with one of these... The Remote Controlled Mouse. What a fantastic way to put some life into C*****mas dinner!

But, what about all those unwanted gifts? Hmmm...there are many ways you could get rid of them! There is the Mother Theresa method - give them to a good cause, presuming you can find anyone who wants 42 pairs of new socks, a book about a person who has a similar name to your favorite star, an electric toothbrush cleaner, 5 Tons of assorted toiletries, 14 new handkerchiefs, 9 new Ties and a Bart Simpson Dental Floss remover. There is the "Oops, I dropped it!" method, but there is always the danger of the giver getting you another. The same could happen if you arranged to have them stolen. But don't despair! Davey has the solution....

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